Now. Here. This.

We are on our way to the super vet to get a handle on why Frankie had two seizures over the holidays.  We went to see the amazing Dr. Robles who has been a true angel for our family.  She operated on Cooper years ago and it was comforting to be back in her office.  We have great confidence in her compassion and her expertise. 

I remember going with my Mom to her Cancer group.  A man named Harry talked about waking up the morning after his diagnosis and he had become, in his own mind, a character from Kafka’s Metamorphosis ... Harry With Cancer.  It feels a little like this today with her.  Yesterday we were hanging by our fingernails with the thin hope that the seizures had just been odd occurrences possibly caused by some retrograde planet.  Today, though, she is Frankie With Cancer.  Frankie with a finite number of days by my side. Frankie who will probably not hold up her end of our deal to outlive me.  

Watching her I am filled with emotion.  Love and sad in equal measure, which is immense.  And gratitude.  No regret, instead a heart wrenching awareness that I wouldn’t change a moment of all that I have poured into US and that I would do it all over again in a heartbeat. 

Father Greg Boyle said in an interview that before he ventured into something challenging ... like a Tuesday, he pictured the marquee of a Broadway play from some time ago.  Now. Here. This.  I believe this will be our mantra as we embark on this next phase of our relationship.  Frankie has had the uncanny ability to bring me over and over again to the corner of Here and Now.  She does this once more for me and I am grateful to be standing Here with her by my side .... For Today!